How much the human body contains - excerpt 3

To look up is the biggest drug of all; to contemplate the cosmological patterns and see them simply as an expression of within, to see the energy we are made of and how recklessly it breathes. When he kissed me it was on. We were on top of the worlrld, balanced on a wooden fortress in the grounds of Mount Carmel primary school, down Sandy Bay roadd  l looking out to the sea, with a slide and a rope ladder as the only two sure means of escape, the stars up above a possible third option. He kissed me and pushed me back and I put my hand on his face and he put his under my bum and I lifted up into a kiss that became eternal, like everything is but we just don’t choose to remember it as such, and when I put my hand on his cock it was not that big and he lost his breath until I poured more into him, opened up and surrounded him.

It happened before I even knew what I was, and before I did it scared the fuck out of me. I behaved in a way that was definitely unusual, one I had not imagined or foreseen. It was of some other body. We were both of a different body. The hardness and hairiness of dog.

We got all our clothes off; some of them fell to the ground. If you enter someone you leave something of yourself inside. It happened with a self I didn’t recognize yet. The whole sky collapsed. A big heavy weight fell and split open into water upon us and now cold ice was beginning to form as he collected our clothes. The clouds came and went.

Back in my single metal bed he examined me carefully. Every light in the house was on. Then he walked naked to turn them all off and when he pinched me I folded in two. If life depends on this let it depend on this. He took his wet body off mine; the sheets were stained and mud was everywhere. The imprint of everything we did, where each of his fingers had touched me and where mine had gone too, showed up on the sheets. I tried to fold them up.

If this could have gone on forever it would have, maybe it still is. So we smoked another joint and his body changed and so did mine. Visibly this time. I opened my eyes and saw a monster. I ran down under the house because I wanted to hide. That’s when I saw the dress. The moon was seriously low in the sky, right up in the middle of the doorway leading to the woodpile and all the junk collected for over one hundred years, an obvious worlrld out there, and out of breath I put it on. It fitted perfectly, my breasts half spilling out and I collected the axe and would have used it then and there but instead I held his neck so his mouth would not leave. If I’d stopped kissing him and had opened my eyes I would have killed him, maybe. Had to kill some one that night because that’s what I felt like doing. I could have cut his throat, no doubt about it. There was still time.

It was three o’clock in the morning and Nicky and Cliff were back. Richard had joined them for a cup of tea in the lounge room. Somehow he’d gotten himself clean, must’ve rooted around Rod’s clothes, a black suit and white shirt, forgotten the cuff links and washed his face in dew. I came in wet and d didirty and no one seemed to notice. Except Cliff. He looked at me and smiled, like I’d opened up my cleavage, smeared myself with mud and put on a red dress especially for him.

I sat down in front of them with the axe between my knees. I was a little confused but absolutely certain of what was going to happen next.

I sat on the yellow bentwood chair in front of the three of them. I understood totally everything. I thought I did.

It happened in an instant and so was quite difficult to evaluate. Nic explained the ears to them and they didn’t show that much interest.

The axe was sharp and every part of my body was visible.